Clandestine by Jesse
by yoplait2000
Summary: I stand transfixed... "Hasn't Hit Me Yet"
1. Chapter 1

Hello, you lucky people. I have decided to post my songfic! :D

;) I hope you all like it. I'll post it in installments, since it's  
somewhat long.

Jesse

Title: Clandestine  
Author: Jesse  
Contact: chartreux...  
Rated: PG-13  
Disclaimer: I think it's fairly obvious that I am not the owner of Voyager.  
Can we all guess who is??? As for the CD lyrics, I am not affiliated with  
Blue Rodeo in any way. Really. I'm not.  
Comments: A challenge of sorts. It's a songfic! EMAIL ME! Oh, and excuuuuuse  
me if my science ain't all that good. That's not the point of the story!  
(sorry, Amy...I'm too lazy to fix it *S*)

CD: "Five Days in July" by Blue Rodeo

**************************************************

I stand transfixed...  
"Hasn't Hit Me Yet"

Captain Kathryn Janeway looked across the conference table. She was staring  
very intently at the Doctor, not listening to a word Neelix was saying. The  
Doctor didn't even notice.

Commander Chakotay alternated between staring at his feet and staring at his  
commanding officer. His friend. He hope she would finally stand up and  
excuse them all from Neelix's update  
on ship's morale. But she wasn't moving. He followed her gaze over to the  
Doctor, and then followed the Doctor's gaze. Stifling a laugh, he returned  
to examining his feet.

B'Elanna Torres quietly made faces at her boyfriend across the table. Tom  
Paris smirked back at her and swiftly began playing "footsie" with her. They  
were trapped in their own little world.

Lieutenant Commander Tuvok sat at the end of the table, listening to the  
Talaxian's animated speech and observing the events before him. He looked on  
in Vulcan amusement.

Seven of Nine sat down the table from Captain Janeway. As bored as she was  
with Neelix's observations, she kept on paying attention. She knew the rest  
of the crew wasn't doing so, so she  
became fixated on being the only one really aware of what was going on.

The Doctor, existing in his own little dreamworld, paid uncharacteristic  
attention to Seven. He was being blatantly obvious in his stares, but he  
couldn't help himself. She looked especially  
luminous today.

Captain Janeway bore into the Doctor's skull with a fiery ferociousness. It  
made her even madder that he didn't notice.

Chakotay began twiddling his thumbs. He was becoming very jealous of Harry  
Kim's bridge duty.

Torres and Paris could barely stifle their giggling.

Tuvok sighed loud enough to draw attention, but no one paid any attention to  
him.

Seven began to feel a little annoyed at the chaos surrounding her. She  
started to wish she was somewhere else.

The Doctor just stared.

".....and that concludes the presentation!"

At the word "concludes", attentions snapped up.

Janeway whipped her head around. "Thankyou, Neelix. Very informative."

Chakotay stood slowly, waiting for Kathryn to lead the way out. She didn't  
move from her chair. She was still burning holes into the Doctor. Chakotay  
smiled inwardly and left the room.

Quick on the Commander's heels, B'Elanna and Tom bolted out of the  
Conference room, happy just to be up on their feet.

Tuvok has slipped out the back door long before anyone else had left.

Seven stood, gave a little huff, and sashayed out the door.

Just as the Doctor got up to follow, a nasty voice ordered him to halt.

"Doctor."

Neelix looked worriedly at the two officers, and quickly scurried out the  
door.

"Yes, Captain?" asked the Doctor, quite amiably.

Kathryn was not amused. "I think we have something to discuss."

"Oh?"

"Your.....display today."

The Doctor was confused. The Captain had put quite a growl on "display", he  
was sure it was something serious.

"I don't understand."

Kathryn stood and stalked up to the Doctor. "I'm going to be very blunt  
about this. What are your intentions towards Seven?"

The EMH took a step back. He was stunned. "What.....what do you mean?"

"Don't deny it, Doctor," she stated with a barely held whisper. "I saw the  
way you were staring at her. You're her mentor. She trusts you. If you take  
advantage of that......."

He all of a sudden became very serious. "I would never do that. Never."

Kathryn sighed. She stepped up to the window, and looked out over the stars.  
"I'm sorry. I realize you may think I'm being a little hard on you." She  
turned, "But Seven is very special to me.  
And she considers you one of her closest friends. She's come a long way,  
Doctor. I don't want you to damage her trust."

Sorrow became plain on the Doctor's face. "I understand. I'm trying....very  
hard..to not disrupt our friendship."

Janeway took on a quizzical look. "How do you feel about her?"

She watched as his eyes turned sad. He didn't hesitate to answer. "I'm in  
love with her."

Kathryn's anger dropped from her heart. "Love?"

"Yes." He sat down in a chair. "I'm sorry, Captain, if I behaved  
irresponsibly. I promise that won't happen again."

She sat down beside him. "Doctor....," she began, "do you know what love  
is?"

He lifted his eyes to her and frowned. "Of course I do. I may be a hologram,  
but I *do* have feelings."

She sat back. "Of course."

He knew she wasn't convinced. "Captain," he explained, "I love her. When I'm  
around her.....my heart becomes light. I'm happy. She's an angel to me. I  
promise you that I would never do  
anything to hurt her, *including* telling her how I feel."

A wave of self-conscious shame washed over her. "Telling her how you feel  
wouldn't hurt her."

"I'm not so sure about that. I don't expect that she reciprocates my  
feelings."

"She's hard to read, Doctor. She's surprised me before with her reactions to  
very emotional situations. I suspect underneath that icy exterior lies a  
very volatile, very emotional woman."

"Perhaps. But I'm not willing to take that chance. At least....not yet."

Kathryn looked down at the floor and nodded her head. "It might be wise to  
wait a while. She's still new to all this......humanity."

The Doctor nodded slowly. Captain Janeway stood up and walked past the  
Doctor, softly patting his shoulder as she stepped by.

"Captain," called the Doctor just before she was out the door.

"Yes?"

He took a deep breath. "I'd be.....grateful..if you would keep this  
conversation to yourself."

She gave him an encouraging smile. "Of course." And at that, she left.

The Doctor sat motionless in his chair, and let out a shuddering sigh of  
defeat.

I know my past. You were there, in everything I've done. You are the one.  
"5 Days in May"

She stood in the corner of the Mess Hall, staring out into space. Literally.

After the conference, she decided to come here to reflect. It was late, and  
no one would be around. She felt she needed some hard-to-find privacy.

The past three years had been more than eventful for her, but she found that  
the last year in particular was foremost on her mind.

It had started on that fateful day when she had decided to try dating. She  
didn't realize it then, but something sparked inside her that evening,  
something she hadn't ever felt before.

She sighed. Blinking rapidly, she thought back several months to when he  
almost left Voyager. It was that day, that very second, when she realized  
just what the Doctor meant to her.

Since then, she had been acting differently when in his presence. It was  
almost.....instinctual, the reactions she had, the things she said. Her body  
felt different, and while she wasn't quite sure  
what it meant, she knew what was causing it.

Lowering her gaze, she wondered why it was then, and not anytime before,  
that she had felt the impact of his companionship. It was as though it came  
from nowhere, yet was there the  
whole time. Perhaps she had not been emotionally prepared enough to handle  
her human feelings before. Perhaps now she was better able to let go of her  
Borg habits and feel more openly.  
Perhaps she was just unable to differentiate. She didn't know.

Inhaling softly, she looked out at the stars. How she wished she could be  
alone with him right now. She was happy when she was with him. But that  
wasn't entirely right. When she was in his  
company, she also felt an incredible loneliness. A sadness unlike any she  
had ever experienced. Different than when she thought he would leave her.  
Different than when Icheb had left. This  
one was lined with an almost unbearable need to smile at his every word,  
wait for his every glance. The feelings were blended together in a confusing  
and altogether scary emotional veil.

She shifted feet and frowned. She wanted to tell him so much what she was  
feeling. When her emotions had suddenly dawned on her, she didn't know what  
to do. Now she knew. She had to  
let him know. So why couldn't she? Something was stopping her....something  
irrational and illogical. Something very human. She was frightened. More  
scared of her feelings and his response  
than she was of anything she could think of. It was consuming.

Besides, what could she ever offer him? She recognized the inferiority  
complex coming over her, but there wasn't anything she could do to stop it.  
It was physically painful to wonder if he  
would reject her. The thought brought a vibrant paleness to her face.

But yet, even at this thought of rejection and unrequited love, she was so  
happy to be where she was. Considering where she had been, she felt  
grateful, lucky even, to be here, with him, and  
in this swirling of emotion. Destiny wasn't something she believed in, yet  
she could not deny the incredible circumstances that had brought her to him.  
He was everything to her, and she fully  
understood that. He had been there from day one, helping her, inspiring her,  
caring for her. The why was always on her mind. Why had he done all this for  
her? Why didn't she see him like  
this before? Why didn't he feel the same way?

She looked off to the left at a passing planet. She was surprised at her  
coherent thoughts. Through the tumble of emotions she felt, one thing stood  
out. He was always the first thing on her  
mind. Always. Every line of his face was etched into her soul, every soft  
movement he made, every word he said to her. Every compliment he gave her,  
no matter how fleeting in its manner,  
was the one thing that could lift her out of any sadness or misery. It seems  
that "perfection" is found only in another, never in oneself.

She stood up straighter, suddenly aware of her posture. Taking in a deep  
breath, she turned and walked, evading the tables without even thinking.  
Clasping and unclasping her hot palms, she  
made her way out of the Hall. Her heart fluttered with a nervousness that  
was reserved only for him. She had survived this long without his knowing,  
she was sure she could take the cutting  
pain for a little while longer.

Started out so simple. Everything so innocent and plain.........One day love  
justs hits you with a flash.  
"Photograph"

He fiddled with the hypospray in his hands. He looked at it, fell into its  
contours and silver shine. Usually he wasn't so distracted, but these days  
he waited in quiet agony for any chance to  
steal a moment with his love.

He felt ashamed of the way he had acted in the conference. He suddenly  
became so vulnerable when the Captain had confronted him. He wondered if  
this guilt would carry over now  
whenever he saw Seven.

He marveled at the instrument he was holding, and slowly his gaze roamed up  
to his hands. He began studying them curiously, seeing things he hadn't seen  
before. At that moment, he heard a  
sharp sound from behind him.

He turned to see his flushed assistant hurriedly picking up all the utensils  
he had dropped. He threw him the usual "evil eye", and went back about his  
examining of his digits.

A few seconds later he caught a bark from the young ensign. He turned to see  
him flying out the Sickbay door. Not entirely sure of what was said to him,  
he basically ignored the unruliness  
of it all - another unusual trait for his demeanor.

Of course, he had reasons for his mindset. She was on his mind. Constantly  
on his mind.

Sighing, he set down the hypospray and leaned against the bio-bed. His  
thoughts were getting the best of him - he was beginning to feel nervous.  
She could very well walk in at any second.  
He waited in anxious silence for the one thing that would make him  
feel....real. But a part of him knew that all he was wishing for was a happy  
coincidence.

As he stood in time for her, his mind reeled with all the experiences they  
had shared together. The dancing, the singing....the first night he had seen  
her for what she really was...a beautiful,  
talented, sensitive woman who treated him like no one had ever treated him  
before. A bemused smile came across his face. He knew he was in love. He had  
admitted it to himself, and to one  
other unfortunate crewmember. And now the Captain knew. That worried him, of  
course, having two other individuals know of his emotional surrender. But  
regressing back to that one  
moment, the moment he fell for her, wasn't going to make him feel any  
better. In fact, it basically crushed his confidence in all ways possible.

He crossed his arms in an involuntary gesture. It was times like this that  
made him most reflective of his inferior qualities. And those qualities were  
definitely resurfacing. His reasoning was  
simple. He was sure of that. He would not jeopardize his relationship with  
his best friend just to alleviate some of his pain. She was too important to  
risk on something as trivial as his own  
emotions. He could bathe in her from a distance. He had convinced himself  
that he was of no real need to her. In fact, he began to think it was best  
that they didn't spend as much time  
together as they had done before.

He closed his eyes in frustration. He couldn't deny it. He lived for her.  
And how he wished she with him right now.


	2. Chapter 2

*sigh* Still no feedback on the first part of this stupid fic. :( Ann and  
Gay don't count.....

;)

here's more of it...

The harder I try, the harder it comes....  
"Bad Timing"

Captain Janeway paced her Ready Room, mug in hand, in agitated silence.  
Chakotay sat on the couch, watching her with amusement.

"He's in love with her!" She stopped pacing and shot a look at her First  
Officer. "Love!"

Chakotay smiled. "I'm not surprised. They spend a lot of time together."

"Seven's not ready for that."

"Are you sure? You were the one who advised her to consider dating. You  
thought she was ready enough for that."

She cast him a stern look. "That was different."

"How is that different?"

Janeway began pacing again. "She looks up to the Doctor. He's her mentor.  
She doesn't feel *that* way about him."

Chakotay cast his eyes downward for a fleeting second, and then looked back  
up at her. "Kathryn, she's not a child. You never know, she could feel the  
same way about him."

The Captain stopped and set down her full cup of coffee. She walked over to  
the couch and plopped down beside Chakotay. She didn't say a thing. She only  
let out a heavy, beaten sigh.

I've been torn apart, put back together, with a couple of pieces in wrong.  
I'm holding up now, but I won't be for long.  
"Head Over Heels"

The next morning, as Captain Janeway leaned into the Mess Hall's counter,  
she quietly observed Seven of Nine sitting in the corner of the room. She  
felt an exasperating need to chew her fingernails, so instead she took a  
swift gulp of Neelix's fresh coffee.

Seven was sitting alone, at a dimly lit table. She had several PADDs in  
front of her, as well as a cup of liquid, probably some kind of nutritional  
supplement. Her fingers jabbed the keys on the PADDs, alternating between  
the several in her midst. She was immersed in her data. And, of course,  
someone had to break her out of it.

Captain Janeway watched as Tom Paris swooped in for the kill. Kathryn felt a  
momentary burst of "mother hen" overcome her, but quickly fell back. She  
decided to wait and see what her most troublesome Ensign was going to do.

Tom Paris sidled up to his friend. "Hey Seven, mind if I join you?" he asked  
before plopping himself down across from her.

Seven raised an eyebrow. "Yes. I am busy."

"Oh come on, Sev. You look like you could use a little company."

"I require privacy."

Tom looked heavenward and then back at his tablemate. "You've been  
overworking yourself lately."

"Compared to you, perhaps."

He winced. "Oooooh, that was nasty."

Seven looked up from her data. She hesitated for a second while organizing  
her thoughts. "I'm sorry, Ensign. My comment was.....unnecessary."

Tom shrugged his shoulders. "That's okay. All is forgiven........"

Seven smiled.

"........if you do me a really big favor."

Her smile wavered. "A favor?"

Tom spared her the charm. He began to plead. "Please, Seven. I really need  
this. I know you're busy, but I need tonight off. B'Elanna's been really  
testy lately. I was planning something special for us....but it needs to be  
tonight. It's the only evening she has off for weeks! Please, Seven.  
Please!"

She scrutinzed the ensign for a few torturous seconds, then answered him.  
"Very well."

Tom let out a labored breath. "You are a lifesaver, Seven. The Doctor'll  
expect you at 1800."

She stiffened and glared at Paris. "The Doctor?"

He backed off a bit. "Yeah. I have a Sickbay shift. Is there  
a.....problem...with that?" He looked into her eyes, searching for an  
answer.

She quickly regained her composure. "No. There is no problem." She leaned  
back over her PADDs.

Tom frowned. He spoke slowly. "Alright. Well, thanks, Seven. I appreciate  
it."

When she didn't respond, Tom Paris stood up from his seat and walked out of  
the Mess Hall.

Kathryn Janeway had just devoured her fourth cup of coffee when Paris left  
the Hall. She regarded Seven, who now appeared a little more bothered than  
before, with an anxious energy. Tom Paris had that effect on people, but it  
was unlike her to be so visibly affected.

The Captain set her cup on the counter. She decided it was time to talk to  
her Borg crewmember. A chirp interrupted her steps.

"Chakotay to Janeway"

She stopped. "Go ahead."

"Captain, we've arrived at the cluster."

"Acknowledged." She paused. "I'll be right there."

She gave one last parting glance to Seven, feeling not quite right about  
leaving her without discussing what was on her mind. But pressing issues  
awaited her on the Bridge. So with a sigh she turned on her heel and left  
the Mess Hall.

There is nothing I could hide from you, you see me better than I can.  
"Til I Gain Control Again"

Seven sat motionless as Tom left her. She was staring into the PADD, but not  
reading anything. It occured to her that what she was doing had shadings of  
cowardice.

She set the data on the table and folded her arms. Anxiety had set in when  
the Ensign mentioned the Doctor's name, and she wasn't sure why. She  
suspected her feelings were becoming more forceful....she feared losing  
control over her emotions. She enjoyed the Doctor's company so much it made  
her feel nervous. It was an illogical reaction, one she wasn't sure how to  
displace. Her reasoning slowly became more steady. A small smile spread  
across her features. She would enjoy spending time with the Doctor. They had  
not seen each other in some time and she was looking forward to seeing him.

Seven frowned slightly. Her heart fluttered instinctively as she thought to  
the hours ahead. She did not enjoy the feelings she was having. She wished  
it could be the way it was. It used to be so easy, so simple....never an  
overcrowding of emotion. Her human counterpart was resurfacing with a  
vengeance she didn't know how to accept.

Pushing the thoughts aside, she sighed and picked up the data PADDs,  
entrusting her mind with the algorithms before her.


	3. Chapter 3

Okay, I think this is where I left off.....

%%%

My Dark Angel, she gave me diamonds for eyes. She walked by, and now I'm  
hypnotized...  
"Dark Angel"

The Doctor grimaced at his patient. "If you're not more careful, you could  
break a leg next time!"

Harry Kim rolled his eyes. "It was an accident."

"Oh, they're *all* accidents," he responded sarcastically.

The Ensign decided the best thing to do would be to just shut his trap and  
let the Doctor get away with his remarks. He exhaled impatiently just to  
slightly annoy the EMH.

The Doctor ran his dermal regenerator over Harry's arm and refused to even  
acknowledge the very obvious ploy just to goad him.

After several seconds, the Doctor set down his instrument. "There. Good as  
new." Then he added, somewhat snidely, "For now."

Ensign Kim ignored the spur and nodded his approval. "Thanks, Doc," he said  
as he slid of the bio-bed. He smiled at Seven as he left Sickbay - she was  
just entering.

"Hello Seven," smiled the Doctor with genuine happiness. "What can I do for  
you?"

She was nonplussed at the fact that Tom Paris had not informed the Doctor  
that she was taking over his shift.

"Ensign Paris requested that I cover his shift for him."

The Doctor raised his eyebrows skyward. "Oh." He paused. "Alright."

She tilted her head. "Is that acceptable?"

He grinned. "Yes, of course it is." He surveyed his surroundings.  
"Ummm....you can start by performing tests on those samples over there." He  
pointed to a cart in the corner of the room. The grin never left his face.

Seven felt troubled, but complied readily. "Of course, Doctor."

As she walked to the cart, the Doctor turned and closed his eyes. His grin  
fell like a ton of bricks. It was going to be a long evening, and already he  
was acting like a fool.

And I wonder if you think of me, as I dream of you. Do you hear the song,  
that I sing......cause I see you in the stars above, and in every setting  
sun...  
"English Bay"

He sat at his desk and watched her in agitated silence through the window.  
She was absorbed in her work, inputing the data from the samples she  
examined. He smiled involuntarily. She was such a determined worker. He  
really admired that.

Of course, that wasn't all he admired about her. He watched her closely,  
observing her every movement. She was fluid, her movements precise and  
exact, yet agile and relaxed. Her eyes sparkled with youth. Her mouth curved  
slightly as she assessed her data. Soft, slender fingers travelled lightly  
over the computer console. Her hair glowed in the illuminating light of  
Sickbay. The Doctor beamed. She was a beautiful, remarkable sight to behold.  
Absolutely radiant.

He watched as she hit her commbadge. His smile faded and he quickly turned  
back to his computer as Seven marched into his office.

"Doctor."

"Is something wrong?"

"No. The Captain has requested my precense in her quarters. Would it be  
alright if I left?"

A sadness entered his body. "Of course. Have a good evening."

Seven lingered for a second longer. "Thankyou. You have a good evening  
also."

The Doctor smiled stiffly as she left Sickbay. When she was gone, he slumped  
back in his chair and rubbed his aching forehead.

So tell me your dream, lay your head on my pillow. Tell me the things that  
you hide away....your pain, your pleasure, your sorrow...  
"Tell Me Your Dream"

Captain Janeway collapsed into her chair in a languid heap. Her eyes burned  
from exhaustion, but she couldn't sleep. Ever since the incident in the  
Conference Room, only one thing had been on her mind.

She called Seven, asking her to come to her quarters. She wasn't really  
looking forward to speaking with her crewmember about such a......personal  
matter, but she couldn't leave it any longer. It was draining her, for a  
reason she could not find. A protectiveness, perhaps. Or maybe, she admitted  
to herself, she was jealous that Seven wasn't coming to her for the advice  
Chakotay seemed so sure she needed.

A chime interrupted her thoughts. "Enter," she said.

Seven of Nine strolled in and stopped abruptly in front of her tired  
Captain.

"Hello, Seven."

She nodded. "Captain."

Kathryn sluggishly got up from her soft chair. "Have a seat," she said as  
she motioned to the couch. "Can I get you anything to drink?"

Seven sat down awkwardly. "No, thankyou."

"Black coffee. Hot," she stated to the replicator. Taking a sip, she walked  
over to the couch and sat beside Seven.

The Borg raised her eyebrows. "I have noticed you drink a lot of caffeine,  
Captain." Janeway's eyes widened. "Perhaps a deviation from coffee would be  
the best way to alleviate your insomnia."

Kathryn set her cup down and smiled. "What makes you think I have insomnia?"

Seven's eyes dimmed. "Your shift ended four hours ago," she stated, and then  
added softly, "and you look tired."

Janeway laughed faintly. "I suppose you're right." She then gave Seven an  
amused glance. "I'll look into your coffee suggestion."

Seven, knowing full-well that the Captain would never give up her drink of  
choice, smiled gently and nodded.

Kathryn paused, and her face took on a look of intensity. Her voice was  
solemn.

"Seven, I asked you here for a reason."

Not getting a response, the Captain continued, "It's something personal. I  
was hoping we could talk."

Seven was a little confused. "You wish to discuss your personal life with  
me?"

Janeway smiled. "No, actually I was hoping we could talk about you."

Seven bristled unintentionally and Kathryn took immediate notice of her  
reluctance. She looked warmly into the Borg's eyes.

"What's new with you?"

"New? Nothing is new."

Kathryn frowned. "Something's wrong."

Seven broke eye contact and looked at her hands. She didn't answer the  
Captain.

Janeway moved closer to Seven. She covered her young friend's hands with her  
own. "Seven, you can talk to me. I'm here for you, as a friend. If something  
is wrong, I want to know."

Seven fidgeted slightly, and looked up at her Captain. She felt a desire to  
tell someone about her feelings, but something kept holding her back. Two  
sides fought inside of her. But she trusted Janeway, and her emotions were  
beginning to spill over.

She blinked rapidly. "Captain, have you ever experienced love?"

Janeway tensed and she felt a fluttering of her heart. She worried why Seven  
was asking such a question. It had taken her completely by surprise. Perhaps  
Chakotay had been right when he said Seven had grown more than she could  
ever have known.

Her voice took on a flat tone, and she looked at Seven very seriously. "Yes,  
I've been in love." She hesitated, then continued, "Why do you ask?"

Seven had never felt more uncomfortable in her life. "I have been  
experiencing unusual emotions when in close proximity with a certain  
individual." She paused, "I am curious as to whether it is love."

"I see." The Captain was too nervous to ask who the said individual might  
be. "Why don't you tell me how.....this person..makes you feel?"

She thought for a moment, then answered slowly and cautiously, "It  
is......difficult to explain."

Kathryn allowed warmth to show through her features. "Take your time."

"My feelings become....aroused at the sight of him."

The Captain winced slightly at the word aroused. She was not used to hearing  
Seven speak like this. "Go on," she encouraged.

Seven lowered her gaze. "I become very aware of everything he does. When I  
am around him, I'm.....happy." She looked up. "When I'm not with him, I feel  
as though I am missing a part of......" she paused, "........myself." Seven  
straightened. "It's an irrational response."

Kathryn's gaze softened. "Love is irrational, Seven."

She elevated her eyes to meet Janeway's. "Then you believe it is love?" she  
asked with a fragile yearning in her voice.

"I believe......I believe that's up to you to decide."

"You are eluding the question."

The Captain smiled. "Seven, I can't tell you whether or not you're in love.  
You have to make that judgement for yourself."

She leaned back a little and nodded. "I understand."

After a few quiet moments, the Captain spoke up, "It sounds like love to  
me."

Seven's face acquired a quizzical look. She opened her mouth to speak, but  
was interrupted.

"I have to apologize to you." Kathryn sat back and looked out at the stars.  
"When you told me you might be in love, I was.....well, I was shocked." She  
smiled and looked at the woman across from her. "I took the easy way out,  
and I'm sorry. Your feelings, Seven, your emotions, are all new to me, as  
well. I was surprised to hear you've developed so quickly. But from what you  
tell me, from what you're describing, it sounds very much like love. Of  
course, you have to make sure of that yourself, but I'm telling you, Seven,  
to make sure that you do everything you can to find out if you really are in  
love. There's nothing worse than missing an opportunity at happiness."

Seven was caught speechless. She analyzed over Janeway's words. Looking up  
wide-eyed, she replied, "Thankyou, Captain." That's all she could say.

Kathryn only smiled, almost sadly. The person she thought she knew had  
changed, and she had to accept that. But she felt a little emptier knowing  
that now Seven was looking for more in life than just a little guidance.


	4. Chapter 4

Hi.

I hope I got this right. I think I left off here....

Feedback, if you please :D

Is this love, that causes so much pain..."  
"What Is This Love"

Seven of Nine walked the halls, head lowered, thinking. Her eyes darted  
around, her jaw clenched subconsciously. She had decided to go to the  
Doctor, to tell him her feelings. But she was so nervous.

Captain Janeway's words had had an impact on her. She couldn't let another  
day pass without letting the Doctor know how she felt, no matter if he  
didn't reciprocate. It would be unfair to him to lie. She needed to let him  
know.

She stopped in front of the Sickbay doors, her legs numb with weight. She  
was about to step through when the entire ship lurched.

She grabbed the side of the bulkhead to catch her balance. Then the words  
came through her commbadge.

"All Senior Officers Report to the Conference Room Immedaitely!"

The Doctor swiftly came through the doors and stopped short of Seven.

"Are you alright?" he asked, worry very plain on his face. He had nearly  
panicked when he saw her leaning against the wall.

She took hold of his arm. "Yes, I'm fine." She looked up at him, her heart  
heavy. "We have to go to the Bridge."

He nodded and put his arm around her waist. Together they quickly made their  
way to the Conference Room.

Watch the stars....  
"Cynthia"

Captain Janeway paced at the front of the room, anxiety in her eyes. "The  
ship has been hit by an asteroid storm." She paused, and set her hand on the  
back of her chair. "The reason we didn't detect it is because of the  
interference from the cluster." She hardened her grip. "The asteroids took  
off pieces of our nacelles. We can't transport them back, again because of  
the cluster. We need the Delta Flyer to retrieve them."

The feeling around the table was sombre. The Captain continued, "We need  
those nacelles to get out. I'm not going to lie, this is a very dangerous  
mission. Your sensors won't work properly, and if one of those asteroids  
hits the Flyer.......well, I'm sure we can all imagine what will happen."  
Kathryn sighed and rubbed her neck. "I've chosen an away team. Chakotay,  
Tom....." she spoke the last name more softly, "...Seven. It's up to the  
three of you." She took a look around the table. "Dismissed."

Nothing can compare to how I feel when I'm by your side. And nothing can  
compare to the world I see in your eyes.  
You fill my head with colours of wonder and delight. You move across my mind  
like the dance of the northern lights.  
"Know Where You Go"

"Don't worry. I'll be back before you know it!" Tom Paris grinned at  
B'Elanna Torres, and ran his hand along her face. She smiled softly, and  
gave him a peck on the lips. He looked at her fondly, turned, and walked to  
the Delta Flyer.

Commander Chakotay picked up his tools. "See you soon."

Captain Janeway smiled. "Good luck."

He thanked her and began packing up the shuttle.

Kathryn took B'Elanna and led her out of the Bay. The Doctor and Seven  
watched them go.

"Here," he said as he handed her a small box.

"What is it?" she asked.

"It's a medical kit. Hopefully you won't need it."

Seven looked at the trunk in her hands. "Isn't there already a kit on the  
Delta Flyer?"

He smiled sadly, "Yes, I suppose there is."

She looked up at him, and felt a clenching in her stomach. His eyes  
travelled over her face, trying to make sure he took in every aspect of her  
incredible features.

From behind them, Tom called to Seven. She turned to acknowledge him, and  
watched as the Ensign and Commander got into the shuttle. She turned back to  
the Doctor. Her eyes were burning, her heart was heavy.

He put his hand over her shoulder. He couldn't say anything to her except,  
"Good Luck. Come back."

Seven gazed at him without blinking. She considered her options, and thought  
it would be best to wait to tell him.

Her emotions got the better of her. "Doctor," she whispered, "If I don't  
make, know that I've loved you all along."

He inhaled sharply, his eyes wide with disbelief. She moved in and kissed  
him tenderly and quietly on the mouth. She lowered her eyes, touched his  
face, and without looking at him, turned and ran toward the shuttle.

The Doctor raised his hand to his lips, feeling the warmth. He watched as  
his love entered the Flyer, and watched tensely as they left Voyager. He  
didn't move a muscle, too scared that if he did, the world around him would  
crumble apart. Instead, he waited in the Shuttle Bay, alone and with a fear  
he never thought he could have known.


End file.
